The Single Brother

Let’s talk about belief for a second.

Let’s say that YOUR audacious thought was… that you are the greatest Chef on the planet!

Emeril, Flay, Lagasse…. Nothing compared to you. You are the one…..

Now, somewhere, in the back of your mind… maybe in the front of your mind, you say…

“It’s not true. I’m not better than Bobby Flay! I’m not! You’re telling me to believe a lie!”

Yup, do it Right NOW!

But you say again… “It’s not true! You want me to lie to myself? You’re asking me to believe something that’s not true, it’s a lie!”

Well…. Yes and no.

To begin with…

We all believe shit that’s not true, ALL THE TIME! We do…. For many of us it’s negative shit. Sadly it’s often shit about ourselves. Often our beliefs are composed of pure ignorance. Often these “truths” are considered common sense.

Think about it. At one time it was “common sense” to believe that the earth was flat. Sail too far, and you’d fall off the edge. Or that the Earth was the center of the solar system. Or that Women couldn’t be doctors, lawyers engineers. Or that you have fat genes, you’re heavy because you were born that way. Or you’ll never be able to be a success, you’re a loser, failure, yada, yada, yada…..

Those thoughts are lies as well. Yet we BELIEVE THEM we live our lives based on these fallacious beliefs. All day every day. The choices we make, good bad indifferent are based on these false beliefs. That’s why we do what we do, we are where we are.

So, my assertion, is this…. If we can believe negative lies to our detriment, we can believe positive “lies” to our benefit!

Why not?

I say we can…. And ….. didja notice that in the previous sentence, the second time I wrote lies I put it in quotation marks?   Look back….. See it? You know why? Because technically…. They’re not lies….

You see, because we believe them… we manifest the thoughts as true…. So if we believe we’re supposed to be heavy…. We live our lives that way. If you’re supposed to be poor, a failure, a loser, a clerk in a menial job, a dishwasher…. We live our lives and make the lie the truth.

So again I make the assertion, if we can manifest negative lies into truth, we can do the same with positive ones! If we manifest negative, harmful, ignorant thoughts. We can  do the same with wonderful, amazing, truly AUDACIOUS thoughts!!!!

Here’s an example.

Recently I saw an ESPN piece about Lebron James. He talked about him growing up, and he said, he believed that he was the best basketball player in the world. More importantly. He lived his life as though it was true…. Not that it WOULD BE, could be, should be true…. But that it WAS true RIGHT THEN!!!

Now. At the time he was thinking and acting like this, there was this guy named Michael Jordan… you’ve heard of him. Well most of the world believed that Jordan was the best. Even now, there are those who contend that Kobe Bryant is the best in the world…. But you know what?

IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE WORLD THINKS!

It doesn’t. What mattered for him, then and now is what happens in the universe that exists in the 4 inches of space (roughly) between Lebron’s left ear and right ear.  In that universe, HE IS THE GREATEST!

And he manifests that in his life. Daily.

So, dear reader…. This must be true for us as well…..

We must not just find our audacious thought but BELIEVE them.

And so we will! So get prepared!

Have you taken a minute to think about YOUR audacious thoughts? Have you picked out 3? What are you waiting for? Come on!!! And no… not “I want a million dollars” that’s not audacious!!!”

Come on… what would TRULY make you happy???

Give it some thought…. We start in a few days!

With the year winding to a close, we’re all thinking about the new year… changes, diets, exercise….

I get it. I’ve heard some say that 2013 will be an unlucky year… you know 13???

I don’t believe in luck, I believe in skill, hard work and perseverance. To that end I would like to challenge you, dear reader to the same challenge that I have accepted for myself….an AUDACITY challenge.

What does this mean? Well let’s start with the concept…. AUDACITY. What is it?

Our friends over at Merriam and Webster define audacity as….

Audacity: : the quality or state of being audacious: as

                        a : intrepid boldness

                        b : bold or arrogant disregard of normal restraints

Now this led me to look up the definition of Intrepid

Intrepid : characterized by resolute fearlessness, fortitude, and endurance.

Now I’m liking this, Bold or arrogant regard for normal restraints…. You know what the normal restraints are?

Those concepts, ideas, preconceptions, beliefs that… truthfully ….. have led you to the exact point that you are right now. So now a moment of honest self examination. Ask yourself this simple question.

Are you as happy as you would like to be? Right now? Really? Honestly? If your answer is yes.. then you can stop reading, and enjoy the rest of your day. If your answer is no….then read on.

If your answer is no. Then my suggest…. no my assertion to you is that it’s time to shake things up. It’s time to start living your life AUDACIOUSLY!

So the challenge is this….. Take a minute and really think about your life and what you REALLY WANT!

If you found the magic lamp and out popped the Genie….. what 3 things would you ask for? And please no “million dollars” that’s too easy. (Although if you really want a million… be Audacious and go get it!!!)

I mean to really think what would be your “DREAM COME TRUE”….then….. Decide that it Will come true…

That is the key piece to being truly audacious. The belief: solid, strong, real that it not only will come true but IS true. Truly audacious people do this…..

Read the biographies of really successful folks and you’ll find that they BELIEVED things were true… before they were true. They believed in possibilities that didn’t exist until they made then exist.

We’ll discuss this further next time… so here’s the deal…

Start thinking about your Audacious thought…. Make a list…. And in 5 days… come back… the challenge will begin. 1/6/13.

All of us have one… I think. I’m not talking about hearing voices (like SOS hearing dogs talk to him)…

But I mean that voice of doubt…. Sometimes of outright fear….

The one that condemns. The one that shames. The one that tells you, you can’t. You shouldn’t try. You’re going to fail. You know the one….

The alarm goes off at 5:45… you’re planning to hit the gym, it’s cold outside and its Warm in bed…. And for a moment you think… maybe I’ll skip the gym…. The voice sys … “skip it… why bother? You’re not gonna reach your goal anyway…. Stay in bed…. Drink that DEW…. It doesn’t matter…..”

For many of us that voice is a constant companion….   It shapes our reality on a day to day basis…

But here’s a wake up call… the truth about that voice….

IT’S A FUCKING LIAR!!!

That’s right. It lies to you. It’s purpose… supposedly is to protect you from harm. From disappointment, from shame… In truth it keeps you from doing the things you want to do… need to do, aspire to do…

It locks you into a negative paradigm.

What you must do is EXPOSE ITS LIES!!  When you hear that voice, do a mental Joe Wilson!

“YOU LIE!!”

Not only can you do what you need to do… but you will…

Nurture your mind with positive thoughts… affirm yourself daily.. hourly if you need to… until that voice shrinks into nothingness… EXPOSE THE LIE… get your ass out of bed and LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!

Its time!!!

I just took my first vocal lesson… It was fun LOTS of fun… but this posting is about the backstory to the lesson… So here goes..

About 3 weeks ago, I’m sitting at my desk and a co-worker comes to my desk and asks a question… so as I’m responding to her I noticed…. I’m speaking with a softer voice….and I said to myself…. “That’s NOT MY VOICE” It really struck me that I was altering my voice to make myself more likeable to people… doing it without thinking! And I’ve been doing this…. For as long as I can remember. Now this takes me back to a discussion I had with my therapist some weeks ago, he was saying that the children of narcissistic parents often struggle to find their own voice… they are so used to accommodating their parents moods… and from there to moods of others, that they often don’t hear their own wants, needs etc… Now of course he meant a symbolic voice… but this point came home to me about my physical VOICE. From that point on I have resolved to speak only in my own, authentic voice.

Now in years past I have sung. As a child I was in school chorus and thought I was good until my mother… in a fit of pique crushed my feelings by saying it stunk.

My neighbor and friend growing up was a musician and later had a band and over the years I have sung and performed with them… it was fun and terrifying. My “voice” was always described as versatile… meaning I could make it do different things…. But this new attitude started me thinking ….”I wonder what my real voice sounds like?” So I decided to find a vocal coach… So off to the interwebs I go… and I find the names and numbers of several folks… and send e-mails and make calls and finally I contact Kevin… a nice guy and fairly accomplished instructor in his own right… we talk about my history and make an arrangement to meet. So I go… meet at his home where he has a studio and we talk some more and he asks “What do you really want to do? Perform? Lead, backup? What?” After thinking for a second I simply said…. “I want to find my own voice… to sing without sounding or singing along w/ anyone else… I want to know how to do that, even if I never sing anywhere outside of my car and the shower… I want to do it with MY VOICE”…. I loved his response….”Oh hell yes, we can do that.”  He went on to say that he thought that was what was wrong with music today… every girl wants to sound like Mariah. He said he has another student and that’s what he constantly tells her…

“Just because it comes out of your mouth doesn’t make it yours”.

I think on a symbolic level this is even more important. Many of us struggle to give rise to our own voice. The need to fit in, get along, accommodate is intense. And many of us NEVER EVER find that voice which is uniquely ours… we never give voice to it, and let the world hear our own song…. So my advice to us all is the title of this post…

If you feel like singing….. SING!!!

A favorite song from one of my favorite musicals…. Find your voice and let it go!!!

If you’re honest with yourself…. You know how the lie goes ….

• I’ll do it when……
• The kids are older.
• When I finish school
• When I start school
• When I lose 10 pounds
• When I have xx.xx amount of money…

The list goes on. The truth of the matter is that both you and I know that that is an excuse and a lie.

It’s a lie facilitated by another very powerful word.

BUT

Allow me to illustrate.

“I know I should be getting my stuff together, so I can go workout, but….”

Now, any word or thoughts that come after the word but are COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT.

Because you and I know that but has let us off the hook. We don’t even have to feel badly about doing or not doing what we KNOW we should or should not be doing….We have been set free to lay on the couch, or eat the ice cream, or whatever we feel the need to excuse…. But has done it!!!

FREE AT LAST!!! THANK GOD I’M FREE!!!!

However, (you did know this was coming… right?)

BUT did not free you it’s imprisoned you. It has locked you in to your current paradigm. Safe and sound, no need to change or explain or anything. But, has anesthetized you to the pain, and let you drift along, comfortably numb, until the next time you feel you should change.

So now a little truth.

You are enough!!!

You gentle reader, as you sit there right now, have EVERYTHING YOU NEED to begin what you want to do!

It all starts with your mindset. If you will accept the truth, that you can get where you want to go… and you can start right now!

Please don’t think for a moment that this is easy….  Its not.

Your problems, issues, worries, shortcomings, fears…. They will all come along for the ride, and they’ll be there to hinder your progress.. but this is true whether you start today or not….

I myself, fight with an issue of low self-esteem and self-image. Some days….. Some days, it aint easy.

However, I’m still committed to my goals, so I do the work, and I bring those issues with me… DOING THE WORK makes it better… because by doing the work I WILL WIN.

As will you. So. What are you waiting for? Start today, Start next Monday… pick a date and START!!!!

You have EVERYTHING YOU NEED to make it a SUCCESS!!!!

To be more precise…. It’s the power of WHY….

Allow me to explain…. This morning I had my training session with Micah (Official member of the clan of Torturers) Today was an aerobic session… so as we finish… I did my last set of Kettlebell swings I collapsed onto the mat…. I’m lying there… fighting the rising feeling of nausea, sweat dripping onto the mat, and I think to myself… “Why the F**k am I doing this?”
Why am I paying a guy to put me thru torturous sessions 3 times a week?… I could be home… safely ensconced in bed. Why am I no longer eating the things I used to love? Why don’t I go out and buy the biggest cup on Mountain Dew on ice known to man??? WHY????

Then I thought about why. What it is that I REALLY want. It’s almost embarrassing…. But, I’ve decided to be open and honest in this space so….

What I really want is a body that will make people stare… Muscular and strong. I want a six.. no I want a 8 pack of Abs…. I want women to stare and admire it…. It may sound vain and stupid… but I want that very very badly….. So that is my WHY. Why I’m doing what I’m doing… Why I don’t cheat… Why I don’t quit.
It reminded me of a saying I heard a long time ago.

If your WHY is strong enough, WHAT doesn’t matter.

That means that when your reason WHY to do what your doing is strong enough… it doesn’t matter what you have to do to make it happen. Why can be the most powerful force in your life, if you strengthen it.
I have wanted, needed, hoped and prayed to change my body for YEARS!!! Yet I never made the necessary change. NOW because my WHY is strong, I’m doing things I NEVER EVER thought I would do.
So it must be for each of us. What is it that you think you want? Finish your schooling? Change your body? Start your business? No matter what it is, if you haven’t done it it’s because your WHY is not strong enough. So this should raise a question for you. Is this what I really want? Am I doing this for me or for some other reason? If its for me…Why is my WHY so weak?
Once you have your answer and you’re sure, strengthen your why. Visualize your goal. See yourself as you wish to be. Meditate on your why…. Do this daily… hourly if necessary!

Make your WHY so f**king strong that no WHAT in the universe will matter!!!
It will be AWESOME!!!!!

I was on my way to work. At that time I was working at a custom Home Theater shop in suburban Philadelphia, I was driving my now Ex-wife to her job at a law firm in center city… when I checked the news station for a traffic report. That’s when I heard about the first plane. At that time we thought it was a single pilot plane… small, an accident. I got to my place of business just after the second plane hit.
We stood and watched in disbelief, my co-workers and I, as the fires burned in the World Trade Center.
It was tragic… seeing bodies fall from the upper floors. Seeing the fire burn, the heat rippling, but no smoke… it reminded me of another high rise fire that happened here in Phila. Years before… it made me think and say that the tower was going to collapse…

People say the world changed on that day… I disagree… the world had already changed, most of us just hadn’t noticed.
Say a prayer for those who lost a loved one on this tragic day.

I was disappointed when i read that Warner Brothers had decided to delay the release of The Great Gatsby until the summer of 2013. It has the promise to be a wonderful film… Tobey Maguire, Leonardo Di Caprio…
However this move makes sense…

This December promises to be a Bounty of good films ….

Argo From WB. Ben Afflek in the telling of the escape of American hostages from the revolutionary Iran.

Cloud Atlas An Epic type film fro the Wachowski Bro… rather the Wachowskis (Matrix trilogy) and Tom Twyker (Run Lola Run). It stars Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugh Grant, Susan Sarandon…. Looks good

Peter Jackson releases The Hobbit not my cup o’ tea but its going to be huge.

Les Miserables Looks very good…

and of course Django Unchained….

Check out some trailers.

Argo:

Cloud Atlas

And an extra bonus…

LOOPER

I’m listening to the new Album by Elle Varner… She’s a very talented young singer/songwriter and her debut album “Perfectly Imperfect” just hit the stores. It’s warm, and soulful…give it a listen…

Below is a clip from a show she did at the Highline ballroom in NYC.

Check it out!

Now this post originally was going to be about the word FEAR… but for some reason that post just didn’t want to come out… because I actually think this is the word I was meant to write about….

PAIN.
Think about it. We live our lives hoping, trying to avoid pain… pain in all sorts… physical mental emotional…. This is rational, reasonable it makes sense… who in their right mind seeks out pain? It hurts! Pain is one of the vital developments in human evoloution. The evolutionary evidence about pain is fascinating…
Pain was an evolutionary selection. It’s a teacher. It protects us from physical harm… it’s like a smoke detector… warning us from dangers…

However (you knew that was coming) in many ways we can overreact to pain. This is especially the case of EARLY PAIN. If we were injured or scared by something as a small child, that pain, and the desire to avoid its repeat… can become a POWERFUL agent in our lives…. It may become a hindrance instead of a protection.
The pain of failure (real or perceived). Rejection, abandonment, ridicule… we may become so intent on not feeling that pain again that our lives shrink… we won’t try things we want to do, places we want to go.. Because we fear that pain!

Think for a moment… did that pain kill us?… maim? Permanently harm us? Then maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world… MAYBE that pain is the obstacle we need to get by, in order for us to realize our true potential. The breakup you feared could free you to find the love of your life. The job loss you dread could motivate you to start the business you dreamed about. Visualize it…. think about the goal you want to reach, and think about the pain you’re avoiding….. And think… just on the other side of that pain….is what you want.. All you have to do, is walk thru the pain……..That pain could be the thing we need to prepare us for the success we want… so….
Maybe instead of seeking to avoid it… we should seek it out…
I’m adopting this attitude toward my workouts…. I LOVED working out in HS… it hurt but it was a good hurt. I know now.. to get to my goal I’m going to have to work HARD. It’s going to hurt. But on the other side of all that work and pain… is the body and the health I want.
So I’m seeking it… as I sit here, sore from my last workout… I can’t wait for the next one…..

Pain???

BRING IT ON… TWO HELPINGS!!!!